Hello, and Welcome back to Week Two of the Twin Cities Figo League, home of the very finest in Guild Ball entertainment, commentary, and discussion. Today, we have a game between the Fishermen, managed by Alex of Midwest Miniature Murdersports and the away team, the Morticians under the leadership of Chris. The last time these teams faced off, the Mortician’s Guild and their captain Obulus left with nobody to blame but themselves. Meanwhile, the Fishermen learned all the wrong lessons from that matchup with the Spooks, as they missed two game winning goals of their own in week 1. What will be the story, today?

Huge changes are in store for the Fishermen. Despite not receiving my Union reinforcements in the mail, yet, I’m eager to try out the ‘Attrishermen’ list I’ve read so much about, and also to try out Corsair, the Season Two captain for the Fishermen.

My side:

Corsair (Captain)
Tentacles (Mascot)
Vet Siren (Proxied by Regular Siren)

It’s a very different side for the Morticians from the side which lost in such heartbreaking fashion during the preseason, Bob. In addition to hiring in a Union Striker who has, himself, some history with the Fisherman Siren, they’re lead today not by Obulus, but by Scalpel, the cold-blooded Season Two Captain! Big changes for both sides, so you really can’t expect anything from these sides based on the previous game.

Chris’s side:

Scalpel (Captain)
Dirge (Mascot)
Mist (Union)

In the middle of the field is an assortment of terrain for this game – two bits of cover near the middle, and a forest on one flank balanced by difficult terrain on the other.

At the coin toss, Scalpel stares the official down before calling ‘Edge’ with a flick of her namesake razors. Without even looking at the result, the Morticians are awarded the ball. The two sides deploy, and Corsair strides forward to boot the ball downfield.

Both managers were very sharply dressed for this game, you’ll have to take my word for my end.

Turn One

Corsair boots it wide, away from Mist (who he had a proxy for, but I was convinced it was way cooler to just use an empty base for him) the sole striker from the Morticians. The mascot for the Morticians is first to the ball, but is unable to beak the ball over to Cosset, who scoops the ball up and drops it behind her teammate Ghast as the Fishermen advance slowly to put pressure on the middle of the field. Ghast fails to boot it to Scalpel, who then kicks it to Mist, and sprints forward. The Morticians’ ineptness with kicking in the early game is remniscent of their final turn in the last matchup between these two teams.

Mist does eventually grab the ball and dashes up the flank with the kind of speed that has the crowd shouting ‘Where’d he Go?’ But he isn’t too fast for the big Fisherman, Kraken, who not only is able to Harpoon Scalpel (stupidly) into the heart of the Fisherman formation, but is able to block off Mist’s path on goal!

Turn Two

Fighting, fighting, everywhere, and to everyone’s surprise, it’s the Fishermen who draw first blood, as Corsair bats the Mortician Mascot out of the air with a squawk! Siren, looking positively Dreadful in the middle of the field, has blunted the Mortician assault and helped her teammates whether the storm. Meanwhile, Mist attempts to drive in and score, but is unable to get around Kraken to take a shot at goal! 2-0 Fishermen!

Turn Three

Siren flies back to sweep the ball off of Mist, who takes it back but is out of energy as the two renew a battle as old as time. Silence whispers some words, and . . . Dirge is back on the field? Is that even legal, Ref?! Corsair leads the line, holding off Silence and Dirge even as he helps Jac face down Cosset. It’s truly a war of attrition out there, but despite early signs, it’s clear the Fishermen are not winning the battle, as Scalpel and Ghast are throwing out some serious hurt. Particularly to Kraken, who goes down under a dedicated assault by the pair. 2-2 All even.

Turn Four

Cosset screams with a crazed rage, and down goes Jac! Despite the Fisherman’s heavy armor and tough hide, he’s down under the crazy Mortician’s fury. Kraken rejoins the game and jogs over to Mist, lifting the Union Mercenary over his head in a power bomb which causes the ball to squirt free! Ghast follows Kraken, snapping the ball to his feet and attacking Siren. Corsair summons up some Rough Seas, then more Rough Seas, but fails to get the ball off of Ghast. Scalpel carves up Tentacles, then slides over and knocks Kraken off his feet. Siren stands up near Ghast, and tackles the ball off of him for just a moment before Mist slides over and takes it away! Dirge cackles wildly in Corsair’s ear, annoying him. 2 – 6 Morticians!

Turn Five

Scalpel charges towards the goal, and she and Ghast take down Kraken, who had momentarily popped the ball free off Mist once again!

Silence and Cosset go to work on Corsair, who struggles to fight off the pair, as their bird has rejoined the fight . . . and the pirate holds!

Mist takes the ball off Silence one final time, then slides away, shoots, and SCORES! It’s all over. 2 – 12 and the Fishermen have been straight pummeled by the Morticians when the game counts!